THOUGHTS OF GIOVANNI

"This collection of my thoughts is a testimony of my growth It does not contain a story of some extraordinary experience: it is the road of many people, it is the Path that everyone walks. If there is some value in the lines I wrote, I think it lies in the awareness with which I speak about some of my achievements.

The spruces in the schoolyard

........

I notice with difficulty from my nook the spruces in the schoolyard.

They are tall, with mighty trunks of an intense dark grey color, with large, strong branches adorned with green needles.

This green is plain, pale because of the fog settled among the branches.

These trees are strange; at a certain point, both bend down and their peaks touch, forming an arch.

The rain made them moist and dark; the haze is dimming the dark contours of the lowest branches, which intertwine into a dark tangle.

........

Let others take care of you, even if it can irritate you sometimes.

Let them love you in the way they want and can.

Set limits, but let these limits be as wide as possible.

Prayer resolves everything

In the short and in the long term.

..........

18 YEARS!

I accept them, but I'd rather be 16.

I don't want to be esteemed too highly,

I don't appreciate myself that much-

God will not judge us on the basis of the bad deeds we did not carry out,

but on the basis of our good deeds.

How many times a day does a merchant find an occasion to have more money on his bank account, and with such a fantasy and enthusiasm.

The bank account of a Christian is love, it is the friendship with God. Isn't it worth doing whatever it takes to buy it?

Before the camp

an examination of conscience.

I intended to put an end misanthropy and individualism: a failure, not total, but substantial.

I'm changing. I have a will to live, to learn, to sanctify myself.

I would like to live my Christianity in a perfect way, I would like to love God immensely, but the reality is disappointing.

I feel I belong to the Gruppo Giovani[1].

........

Medicine, definitively.

A big obstacle is the difficulty, almost the impossibility to find a job.

Besides, throughout this year I have been thinking about an essential point: did I choose to study medicine because of an authentic vocation or because of an adolescent and immature generosity?

I reflected and prayed a lot about this, alone (and who knows me well enough to be able to give me a reliable opinion?).

And what could I become, if not a doctor?

A magistrate, maybe.

And what would I become if there were good employment prospects for doctors, if not a doctor?

Taking into account the persistence of my determination, I decide and take a risk, hoping not to have confused idealism with vocation.

As for the job, I already know that God will help me find one.

As for the necessary maturation, that I'm lacking almost completely, the Holy Spirit will guide me.

I applied for a medicine degree: the time of questions and doubts has finished, now there is no way back!

I'm worried, I always have some uncertainty about the solidity of my decision.

Studying is also a decision to live a strict life full of commitment: today surrounded by books, tomorrow (God willing) on the ward; it's a refusal of easy choices, it's an effort of awareness.

NOTE: the Goal is near.

Yesterday I saw Mr. N. N. after the operation. Humanely, I can only hope he dies soon.

I was deeply affected. I perceived, shortly but profoundly, what is in store for me: a life of sharing the suffering of others; and I felt its burden.

Medicine is a gamble with oneself: to touch the pain of others with my own hands without letting it crush me, facing it calmly. It's a goal that I must not fear, because I must reach it whatever it takes, as a man.

The same applies to the ability to build strong relationships with people.

........

The current situation

I feel at this point that all the problems related to developing the potential that, with God's help, will make me able to build more deep relationships are already solved. This means that the problem that has been torturing me for three years is finally resolved, thank you God.

I can't say that crowds are seeking my company. But I believe now that friendship is a gift that God gives us in due time. Not having friends is not a sign of spiritual poverty; it's also necessary to consider human wickedness. But not having friends is terrible, because this means living without faith in humanity.

I believe that the essence of the problem of loneliness is this: not understanding the profound value of every human, not understanding that the most precious thing on Earth are persons, not understanding that the greatest goal of the human kind is communion and unity.

It's obvious that such faith demands consistency, and consistency will bear fruit. One only needs to wait, tenacity and patience.

........

IL GUSTI (a memory of a missing person)

He was sitting in front of a bowl of milk,

where he was dunking pieces of stale bread.

his thick snow-white hair was

a little messy but flowing.

his eyebrows were thick, snowy.

his dark eyes were calm, peaceful.

his features were strong,

they seemed designed by the wind that shakes the forests

and whirls in the rock clefts.

the wisdom of many years was shining through the face of the old man,

the wisdom that inspired him to smile at every new sunrise,

to enjoy the scent of mushrooms and forests

and the taste of the milk of his goats.

Gusti couldn't speak well,

and he would often get confused;

he had a hoarse voice that didn't help him much, after all;

indeed, he didn't talk a lot, surely not out of rudeness

but because of that kind of shyness and modesty,

that he learned from the forest animals, his friends.

His silence was not unpleasant,

because he was always attentive to everyone,

nodding from time to time with his head.

Gusti was like one of his chestnut trees:

strong, mighty and tender at the same time

and so kind as to let birds

to nest on his branches.

........

Finally a conclusion

My determination to search the meaning of life in God (which, even if weak/, is still a determination that I really have) originates from all demolished hopes of happiness after my aunt's death. The maturation of my beliefs was not at all spontaneous or influenced by the environment: there was a time when they were missing and re-emerged after nearly two years of crisis.

So the first stone of the basement is undoubtfully firm!

Thank you, God.

Why do we expect the reality to meet our expectations?

Every day this hope is proven wrong!

And so? What remains is the Utopia, the Ideal, the Already and not Yet: to hope deeply for it, to live for it, and to live in joy, because our hope will not be let down.

I ask myself why, in general, mothers love their children so much: maybe because they gave them everything they had.

What is the secret of many happy marriages?

Maybe a total self-devotion? Is this the condition to build a solid family?

I believe that if one wants to love someone, he or she has to begin to love them with determination.

The anxiety to live at my mom's expenses that recently has become very heavy, is now reduced and I feel better.

I have such a big desire to be with the people, to build relationships: as usual, my ideas on this subject are a little confused.

This week, when I was on a bus, I thought that the people around me had unlimited capacities to do good: I saw their faces enlighten; I was so sure about their deepness.

A granted note, just to bear in mind this important conclusion: woe to the one who wants a person for oneself: we must search the Absolute in everyone, we can thus avoid attaching too much to people and being crashed by the disappointments they will give us.

Dear God, I don't quite understand my own thoughts, but I want to put my desire for people, together with my friendships, in your hands.

...............

The Pala group

For a Hermetic version (just like Ungaretti's) of the memory of the Pala group[2].

The style necessarily has to be purified: it is fundamental to stand in front of nature like our fathers did: with a sense of its greatness perceived through the dimensions and phenomena, and with a burning desire (that for our fathers was a matter of survival) to understand it, to discover the cause of such Greatness.

Obviously, our meditation will be different from that of our ancestors, but if the starting point is not the perception of nature's greatness, of its incomprehensible greatness, we will not avoid the temptation to dominate it.

We are here, struggling among crises, defeats, doubts, weaknesses... tormented lives, in which we manage to see the meaning with great difficulty.

But they... they are there.

The Pala; it is above all understanding how our misery and its astonishing beauty can coexist in the same world!

It is for you, tiny man, drowning in your crisis; this too is a part of your life, even if it is impossible to understand how; they are there, and we ignore them.

It is not about contemplating them to escape the everyday problems; it is about understanding that there we find ourselves; there and in any other incredibly beautiful place.

It is about understanding that... wings, the wings to let me fly to God!

Wings. Mine are not enough.

...............

Mariapoli Eve

I want to write down what my expectations are so that I can compare them later with the results.

I hope to understand what "making unity, communion" means, I hope to understand how and why it is right to desire people, and to listen to someone who totally chose God, better than I did.

Sometimes I feel I am narrow-minded and heavy; but in reality I am rich, as every other person is.

Perhaps our lives are like having a big villa and keeping only some of its rooms open; or having a park and using only a small part of it. What I want to say is that we must get to know ourselves deeply through improvement, through outdoing ourselves, through praying and talking with others.

The goodness of human relations is measured exactly by deepening the knowledge about ourselves: a person knows oneself and improves (only voluntarily) with and through one's own peculiarities, thus maintaining one's main characteristics even in a continuous progress.

Another thought, that has no presumptions of being original or deep, is about the difficulty that we can find in accepting ourselves.

It seems to me that sometimes we despise some of our traits, so we try to hide them or eliminate them; if I am not mistaken, we look at them as if they were alien to us, as someone who is evaluating the appearance and the conditions of a house that he wants to buy.

But the qualities we deny are part of us; our identity has formed also thanks to these peculiarities. In fact the Crucifix teaches us that the best results of our maturation mysteriously have their roots in those imperfections of our personality, formation, etc. ... through which the Grace penetrates us.

We refuse something that is a part of us because we judge ourselves according to some model: first of all, let's admit that this judgement is always biased; in other words, we do not compare ourselves to others according to the Essential Validity (that is equal for every single human being), but according to some features like, for example, intelligence or physical aspects...; when our features are inferior to those of our model, we can have problems accepting ourselves if we are not well-balanced. Let's highlight that non-acceptance comes from a biased evaluation of the person.

In fact, the only thing we need is Jesus Crist as a model of humanity: if he were the lighthouse of the process of our interior progress (of our self-discovering) we wouldn't have/ inferiority complexes and our personality, our identity would have more solid foundation, it would be free of fear and would be integrated into the conscience of the Essential Validity.

It is important to know that in our interpersonal relations we show the results of our interior progress.

Every knowledge about the reality and about ourselves is born and grows through human encounter: it is unbelievable, but we cannot even dream of making improvements without other people, because they are like a key that can open the door to self-knowledge.

How good is Jesus: to help us to understand he had to become a human and to show us the truth through the experience of life, and he accepted it with love.

An aspect of our need for others is a bit disturbing: the fact that the appreciation of our qualities, and particularly of our Essential Validation, highly depends on the environment we live in.

..........

A short moment

For a short moment, I felt I was actually the master of my own life, I saw the new path I had to take.

Feeling like a protagonist is wonderful: in friendship, in love, in designing your future: your new family (your own family!), your new house full of light built with your own hands, your work... it is like creating everything from scratch, it is the magic circle of life...

It is important to understand and to recognize that the only truly authentic thing in this world that has something to do with us is not what we create: it is US.

Before being conceived and designed, reality must be accepted for what it is therefore a designing effort that somehow claims to be global is bound to fail. I feel that one of my big mistakes has always been that of wanting to fit reality into a model that I prefabricated and, when reality refused to fit, I was in crisis.

The effort of will and of intellect must be directed to perceive and follow the good that exists in life, the good that life OFFERS: the presence of God in it. Nonetheless it is necessary to make plans for one's own duties in order to face concrete needs.

I never thought of my Road (my own Road!) as one that winds through and shows me breathtaking houses, villas, horses, refrigerating rooms, trucks[3]... All these things do not interest me if not for proving to my family that I will probably live in a decent stability.

If I were an intellectual, I would say that my Road winds through good deeds, conferences and lectures, but this will not happen.

I would like my Road and the Road of my family to wind through medicine, through happy social relationships, through serving the others; if I were destined to become a merchant, I would like my Road to let me build a cooperative: it is better to become old and see that the result of your work is a solid social organism rather than having a house with a garden and two cars. All this is beautiful and useful but it is not enough: I feel that it satisfies bourgeois ideals rather than Christian ones.

I think that a family is more stable if it is supported by the fraternal work of others rather than by a remarkable bank account.

It is very important to say at this point that the Road is a way to a personal improvement and therefore it cannot be independent from a mature sociability.

This means that the Road is Christ reborn in ourselves, here and now.

I arrived to this world when you wanted it, God.

What is the foundation of believing in yourself?

It is the movement of conscience that recognizes itself as essentially positive; I call it a positive self-perception.

It is here, in the explicit acknowledgment of the uniqueness of conscience, in the positive perception of this uniqueness, that lies the source of the creativity and the secret of the Road: it is amazing, because it is original.

Another vitally important discovery: it is necessary to deeply love life just as it is: the light, the air - before loving the reasons to live. It is necessary to have a "positive perception of reality" that lets us love it and accept it for the simple fact that it IS.

All in all, to love life with your flesh and blood.

Until now I have always stated that the choice is between Christianity and suicide; it could also be wrong, as long as we love life this way.

..........

NON-STOP THINKING

1) What if sensuality, especially when it is a component of eroticism, is a form of a dark, perverse mystic? Both of them would nourish themselves with the visceral love for life that in one case is perceived like pleasure and in the other case like love.

2) By performing abortion and euthanasia doctors have abandoned the valorous defense of human life. The "helpful" doctor is only a defender of the quality of life of those who can make a decision about this: their judgement doesn't take into account the opinion of the other human beings who are involved but have no voice. These doctors are priests of hedonism, of nihilism; even the fundamental values don't count anymore; it is no longer true that life is always livable; it is only livable if ... the circumstances are more important than the life that one has, or than the life that one can make bloom.

3) Couldn't the use of the contraceptives for the lack of trust in natural methods be a sign of a more important attitude - on the basis of which we can only trust what is conceived by man and not what is independent from the thought? What is planned, what is projected, is good, the rest is not.

..........

Christ is extraordinary

He re-established unity and harmony in human life.

He is the logos of completeness, inside of which men can move with the entirety of being without any particular aspect of life prevailing over "humanity" and attracting all human deeds to itself.

So, any lifestyle that favors a particular human aspect (rationality, genius, working and entrepreneurial ability) is certainly unhuman.

Christ is a (small) torture: if He didn't exist, it would be so easy to direct my whole life into developing only one of my abilities, but He reprimands me and saves me.

The trust in a person can be calm even without asking them to be completely good. The trust reflects on our actions: we act as if the other person were working hard on removing their flaws.

Trust needs tact and precedence, because it is a realist today and an optimist tomorrow

How can we know when it is right to talk to each other frankly, like brothers, to help each other to improve?

When our intention is inspired by love.

How can we let our pride die in serving the others?

With love, with merging with the other, with sharing with them joy and pain.

It is beautiful that every person is unique and one of a kind, but this means that every person is also terrifyingly lonely.

..........

Jesus, you have filled the loneliness of every human

No relationship, no matter how deep, will ever be able to reach the deepness of our being, the mystery that we carry in us: a black hole, heath swept by the wind, a desert that awaits us.

There is one relationship, though, that can win against the loneliness, at least in part: it is love.

Love must desire to communicate with another human just because he is a human; love must be a rooted interest in another human's fate and existence.

Are there situations when communication is not possible, even between brothers?

Sure, we are made of flesh and it is difficult to establish such a bond, but we must try.

In every Human being lies a very profound need for affection. Yet it happens that the more we seek love from others, the less we find it, the more we want to take a small place in their heart, the more we find their hearts' doors locked. So what?

Friendship, however, is incompatible with the need to receive from others our own self-confidence.

In every person lies a virgin land, a boundless prairie that only the wind can cross, and only the rain and the sun can penetrate: it is the mystery of every person, the silent universe of every human being.

Therefore parents give life to the human beings whose hearts they will never know; therefore a man and a woman love each other, but are unable to know each other completely.

And despite this, we are called to Unity; it is a mystery.

So intimately impenetrable, yet called to Unity.

..........

Life

For the mere singularities of the genetic code every living organism is absolutely unique: yet life would not be possible without mutual cooperation.

It seems that the main goal of the animal and vegetal living forms (except the human ones) is to perpetuate life, whether according to their own species or by participating in the biological equilibrium. From this point of view the demographic decline of the East represents a monstrosity; very far from wanting to perpetuate life we live /entirely for ourselves, as if there were no tomorrow.

Rich in everything except the treasure of having children: is there any better proof to confirm that consumerism is a form of life rejection?

I am in peace, at University I feel an atmosphere of fondness, good bonds have developed with my classmates. I believe that I am young, that I can still allow myself to go around shabby, without any money with my squeaking bicycle, that I can put all my passion in what I am doing.

Guide me to the right road, my Lord.

Indeed, I still do not know where my Road is.

The only way to find my place in life undoubtedly passes by a humble daily life.

It is unimaginable that Christianity would attach itself to a humanism that has found perfection in itself. It is unimaginable that a true, alive and deep faith could only be for the few solid and mature, almost risking to confirm their greatness.

In faith, the true Humanism, the true solidity is this: "I came to heal the sick".

God sends us pain like rain after a drought.

..........

There are two main temptations for the young: philosophy of the moment and ambition.

Both are caused by the same thing: the fear of death. In fact, what is the fundamental goal of the ambitious?

Being noticed, famous, important, other than enjoying the moment: to some extent this means to escape from being anonymous, that seems to be definitively confirmed with death.

The world of feelings, of choices, of discoveries, mostly existential discoveries, radically rejects the idea that I am just an ant in a giant anthill.

We know that we are immortal: so, what is the meaning of this excessive ambitiousness?

22nd March. Today is my birthday! Lately I am very happy, I feel I have acquired some confidence.

It seems to me that I have finally accepted the fact that human relationships have an intrinsic limit, and this has given me peace.

I ask myself whether this peace can resist a hard test, though.

For me, as for many others, I guess, it is wonderful to be able to go back to the past through our memory .to the stops of the interior knowledge we reached so difficultly, to the hard periods of ordeal, and to observe, with a deserved satisfaction, the goal we reached (not only with our own strengths, though).

However, we linger on this for a short time, just for the time it takes to thank. This day of rest needs to be improved too, it is necessary to develop one's own humanity further: it is waiting for a new wall, for a new endeavor...

Talking about pain, about evil, about death, it is impossible to forget the Cross.

We are talking about problems that are important and disturbing as ever; but as lost as we may be, as disoriented and frightened as our reactions may be, we cannot forget that God has voluntarily destined himself to the pain of the universe.

The existence of evil and of its painful manifestation do not deny the love of God.

Why, has God has allowed the Cross?

..........

Thoughts before the mountains of the Pala group:

magnificent, in a word full of misery,

almost a fragment of Paradise left

on Earth.

It feels as if the beauty of the universe revealed to us,

in an unbearable collision with pain,

the fundamental conflict of life:

it is between regality and abandonment, like the Crucifix.

The key to understanding the existence is the love for Abandoned Jesus.

..........

After the last Sunday of July: Thanks.

Coming back from Entrèves: this sweet, heart-wrenching feeling of returning to your humble house, of knowing that good persons live there.

The tender kindness of my beloved mom.

It's the middle of August: a peaceful period, a period of confident serenity.

From time to time something disturbs and ripples the calm breath of this lake, but the tranquility restores immediately.

The happiness after the Holy Mass is amazing.

I feel like my spiritual life could be much better than it is.

What do I really know about God, after all?

He organizes human life, everything leads to good, which is the condition of human relationships; for sure, but redemption escapes my understanding.

I spent 31th December in heart-pounding thoughts, wandering in The Fassa Valley, and an even more restless New Year's Eve.

In these dark times, praying means letting the Mystery (which is impossible for me to experience) enter my life through a split.

The sun is back!

I had been wondering whether I should present myself as a candidate for the students' elections. After deciding that I will, I felt happy and full of courage.

Now that I'm about to "enter" politics, as they say, I would like to write down my ambitions. I would like to do my part, according to my abilities. I can't deny I'd like to get ahead, but I would like the Kingdom of God to be my priority.

I don't want to sell off my dignity to get where I want.

Evil grows from inside.

Good Friday

What should I aspire to, what should I seek in my life?

Wealth in itself has no value.

Solidity, commitment in social relations and in building a society of love through work, family life and participation: this is what I want.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to create a family environment that children can remember as something reigned by serenity, peace and honesty?

If one day someone could say: "I found a piece of Heaven there", wouldn't it be worth it to spend one's entire life for this purpose?

Have I understood correctly? Is this the Way?

Easter night

Spiritual exercises of Communion and Liberation reminded me that the option of faith is completely reasonable: it comes from our heart, from our yearning for infinite.

Everything has been done to eliminate the longing for God and it seems that life evolves smiling and pointlessly like in commercials, which are the gospels of consumerist distraction.
From time to time in everyone's life, pain shouts out our thirst for life and happiness, which has clearly not been satisfied.

I don't have to build my own path, to make my way through the rocks, working with a pickaxe. I even have no pickaxe, nor any other tools.

All my intelligence, all my maturity, all my human equipment must only be used to find the path that You traced for me, that you opened through mountains and valleys for me.

He had to have some trust, too. In the temple, among the doctors, He was following a Will that he did not know yet.

The deep nature of every moment is to be given and redeemed:

You redeemed even my university years.

What do I remember of university?

The relationship with some friends: people are what remains in our memory.

When a person experiences a strong feeling, whether of friendship or of love, life brightens up, their sensitivity improves, their mind becomes able to see, their forces awake.
It is not necessary for love to see its desires fulfill, in order for the soul to awake.
This is exactly what is happening to me: an invincible call to Unity.
Even if I have not seen my aspirations fulfilled, I feel strong and content.

O. Clement: "We are not Christians in order to be happy, but rather to be alive". That is, to Christians life is worthier than happiness.
One day I am sad, one day I am happy.

It is really strange, or new, how love, even a painful love, can shake our soul.

So, it seems that I am not going to have any concerns about my future. I think I am the only newly-graduated medicine student who has so many possibilities, even if I started from a disadvantageous situation. Providence has given me all this, I don't know why me exactly, and, oddly enough, this was all thanks to the Movement of Communion and Liberation.

Providence has proven itself very generous to me. It has offered me these chances, in spite of my lack of faith, almost compensating for my initial disadvantage.

Christmas

I strolled around S. Giovanni in Valle at sunset: it was so impressive!
From the hill of Nazareth I saw the shape of San Zeno in Monte veiled by the fog.
From the hill of S. Pietro I saw the bell tower of San Giovanni in Valle, lit from below. The houses behind it seemed to belong to a small mountain village. They were dark, silent, surrounded by soft mist.
Silence, the remains of old walls, wall street-lights with an odd light, warm but slightly feeble and discreet, ancient gates.

Wonderful!

We almost ended up singing.
What kind of company meets up to sing nowadays?

I am deeply happy.
It has been a wonderful year! Thanks for everything!

16th February (1989)

The Movement of Communion and Liberation is where the miracle of an interest which is directed only to me takes place.

I have sometimes had the impression that the problem simply lay in finding a support. I have now found it, thanks to a Company that cares about my destiny.

My wandering in search for a job, at least apparently, seems to be coming to an end, or at least to a stop.
Providence has given me a job, which many of my friends do not have, answering almost with paternal diligence to my childish fears.
My mistrust is rewarded with an overabundance of Mercy.

Beginning of March (1989)

I feel that I am ever more involved in all circumstances. So, after more than a year, I am starting to understand one of the pillars of the Movement. There is a precise moment after which this extraordinary feeling has started to pulsate in me: 16th February.[4]

The problem essentially lies in the constant will to live, the confrontation with reality, so that one, even if regretfully, maintains a passion towards oneself and towards life.

Facing reality is actually possible, whether it is inside or outside of ourselves, because incarnation has made our reality and our Destiny inseparable.
I have understood that making too many projects in advance is not wise. It is better to follow the events unfolding instead.

In the Encounter lies the seed of all news.

EASTER

I believe that God keeps everything in the being, with the joy of seeing even the tiniest things exist.
It must be true that the Good expands in the universe, moment by moment.
"When I breathe, I see Him pleased".

I was looking for who knows what, I kept worrying. I should have just been patient: two great loves were waiting to meet me.
The hundredth time exists, down here; I must not fear anything.
The alley does not exist anymore, it has turned into a path: the good thing about a path is that it always takes somewhere.
The pickaxe does not exist anymore either. Just a pair of boots exists instead.

"Ask and it will be given to you": with these words the possibility of human life is expressed, which means that Homesickness can find satisfaction.

I have the impression that, in the economy of existence, what is given has a higher value compared to what is achieved through one's own efforts. That is, we really do not build our life by ourselves.
Now, the thought of being able to build our lives autonomously, which makes us think of a "self-made man", can lead to two conclusions: pride, as it is often considered, or discouragement, caused by the discrepancy between the task of creating our own life and the scarcity of our strengths.
I suppose that nowadays discouragement is often the arrival point of pride.

NOT EXACTLY GOOD THOUGHTS

I almost left the Movement. However, I have started asking people for help.

Either you, incarnated God, are almighty and therefore able to heal me, or we are just going to waste our time. What makes more sense is believing that you are able and want to heal me, because otherwise the whole Universe would be an enormous monstrosity.

The only chance of liberation from all idols is knowing, and wanting to know, that we have a Destiny. This means life is a gift and therefore nothing necessary to life itself can come from anything other than the Creator.
It is therefore wrong to believe, as I did, that one can receive oneself and one's own happiness from a woman.

For the first time in my life I am getting closer with mum: a relationship which I already considered damaged in the summer of 1978, when I used to state that family was just some kind of hotel.

Perhaps it is not clear from my notes that lately I have been doing badly. So badly that, shockingly, I have asked many people for help.
Today I promised to Madonna of Pietralba that, with the rosary, I will ask her every day to heal me, and once I find the Gift of my life, I will give her my crown.
I touched crutches, orthopedic devices, I saw ex-votos. Is it easier for Him to straighten out a bone or a heart?

Accepting ourselves as a gift is surely the first step towards going back to our childhood, and since accepting ourselves as a gift is necessary to salvation, He will not deny me his help.

Doing what God wants us to do makes one feel free, free from shady deals, but also brave and fierce.

I feel as if, after all this years spent in the shade of the bell tower, I haven't understood anything at all.

A year has passed: a year without any doubt, another painful, sometimes very painful, year.

Perhaps I am, however, closer to God than I was a year ago.

DREAM OF HAPPINESS

A day will come on which, in the cold and foggy winter nights

I will go back home, exhausted from the battle with death and pain.

And my children will open wide the door to our little house

And the light and warmth of the hearth

Will melt the bitterness in my heart.

And I will take them in my arms, kiss them,

make them laugh and we will play together.

And with twinkling eyes I will greet my wife,

dressed in gold and wearing pearls,

Her forehead adorned with a diamond crown.

Her voice will flow

Like a silver mountain stream.

Together we will build a new, happy world,

Where everyone will love each other as we do.

I know this is just a young person's dream

Death will come and put out the hearth fire,

and I will not be able to destroy it.

Anxiety will oppress me

With its many and horrible arms

and it will freeze my heart, it will crush me

with its heavy burden.

But you, God of my salvation,

wonderful God,

you will dispel the deathly fog.

[1] "Group of the Young"

[2] The Pala group (le Pale di S. Martino) is a mountain range in the Dolomites, between Trentino and Veneto. Giovanni loved a lot these mountains.

[3] Giovanni used to help his mom in the market with the trucks and refrigerating rooms for fruits and vegetables

[4] Giovanni would die exactly on 16th February, four years later.